someone stole my avacado
i got home last night and looked in the fridge. i could have sworn to all that is holy that i had half of an avacado in there. now it is gone. i have the strong suspicion that my neighbor stole it. he has keys to the whole building and i was gone all day, so it is not impossible.
possible explanations?
1) curiosity causes him to invade my apartment. he checks the fridge. overcome by a lust for food he steals my avacado and makes a salad.
2) mild malice causes him to invade my apartment. he looks around for some way to fuck with my head with little actual damage. he finds and steals my avacado. he eats it raw.
either way or some other way, i have been profoundly disturbed by my AWOL avacado. the foundations of my world have been shaken. things can not simply dissappear.
THERE MUST BE AN EXPLANATION!
posted by Unknown at
5/25/2005 10:32:00 AM
8 Comments:
My theory is that your friend Gabe from prior post had your key copied whilst it was 'lost' in his car. He is now trying to freak you out by stealing said avocado.
I reckon it would be awesome to live in LA. Do you see Mike Watt play often?
Hey. I think there is a third and more likely explanation. Due to your habits of alcoholic and marijuanic (?) indulgence your general mental acumen and memory have suffered slightly. As a result your brain is apt to create and forget small and trifly elements that may or may not have ever been entrenched in your immediate reality. "Avocado? What avocado. I finished that last night didn't I? Or did I?"
I'm afraid the evidence is compelling especially considering the loss of your keys....
I am just as bad.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
I have never been so sure of anything in my life.
Final explanation:
A slight wrinkle in the fabric of space and time.
I admit your evidence is compelling, but your conclusion is unfortunately wrong.
Well Mateo, I guess it is going to be one of those unanswerable questions.
But wait a minute, hang on. Come to think about it though, I did unexpectedly find half an avoado in the back of my fridge when returning from holiday yesterday. Legumic Teleportation perhaps?
I enjoyed it with a few prawns.
Now that, I can accept. Finally, some peace of mind.
i have been waiting for you to correct your spelling of the word 'avocado' in vain. i had hoped that mentioning it to you might prompt action on your part. alas...there it remains-avacado-in all its glorified defiance. well i am submitting this response for my peace of mind! i no longer care what you do.
-l
i am a big fan of mispelling. its my little power trip over the language. sometimes i spell genius "genious" because i like the was it sounds in my head. (like geenie-us)
"avacado" was an accident, but i like it anyway. it exposes something about the nature of the rules of language. what is more important, comprehension or consistency?
comments are like yawns - which is not to say that they are boring, but rather it is to say that they are contagious. I see that gaudy number - 7 comments - and I just want to make it 8. And now I have.
As for avacados and/or avocados... I think I like bruce's explanation. The one about the time space continuum. Is captain matthew voices such certainty... Well, he doesn't usually take so strong a position about stuff, so I'm figuring this is no memory failure.
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