Practical Activism

I went to college around San Francisco. I didn’t ride a bike then. Actually, now that I think about it, I did ride a bike but it was a shitty BMX and Berkeley is more of a walking town, anyway. Point being…the bay area is not nearly as great a bike town as L.A. If you ride a bike in S.F. you’re just trying to get around faster. If you are on a bike fighting traffic in L.A. you are most likely the real F’ing deal.

So, point being…I went to college. In college there is a lot of Activism. “What the Eff is activism,” you ask? Well, activism is what happens when you give an opinionated person with good networking skills a little bit of information about a controversial issue. Next thing you know, people are wandering around carrying homemade signs (or god forbid, puppets) with stupid slogans on them, chanting stuff. Its kind of like remedial cheerleading for people that didn’t go to football games in high school. And it has about the same effect on how the game goes. (As it happens, I went to every football game because I was in the stupid Band, because my neighbor convinced me that it’s way better than having to do P.E., which in retrospect was completely and utterly Wrong.)

So, point being… activism is lame. “Go home and recycle or something,” is what I have to say to activists. Or even better! Ride your bike instead of driving a car. Did you know that driving a car is the number one cause of people you’ve never met getting killed in a place you’ll never ever be? Also, cars are the number one cause of evil motherfuckers in suits making lots and lots of money! Driving cars is also a major cause of people talking shit about L.A! (Which sucks, because I was born in L.A., and despite the fact that this place is really fucked, it’s my home. So Eff you, S.F.)

So, point being…I thought it was really F’ing weird when I realized that Bush is like my girlfriend’s pussy hairs and Dick is like my penis and Colon is like everybody’s butt-hole! And you know what else? George Bush’s son George kind of looks like a chimpanzee! But also, pointing it out doesn’t solve anything! In fact, if I felt like being logical I would try to convince you that it makes things worse! But I don’t.

So, point being…go ride your bike. That’s all you need to do. The world is guaranteed to be a better place for it and you don’t have to learn about politics, which is really F’ing hard, anyway.